what a week

what a week, the schools ending this semester for a christmas hollyday.

and i get my good and happy mood ruind two days in a row by the same person.

there arent many times im happy and home im almost never happy.

so the times i am happy are kind of important. they sett the foundation for what to do and how to do them.

whats more is that he ruind my christmas greeting to my friends by "attacking" my "christmas card" i put up on the web for my friends..

and on top of that iv not got any thing to do and my thumd is hurting when i whrite..

the best thing to do is probobly start oblivion and go on a killing spree to blow some steem of..

song 1

in any case i cant get over her...

and i cant realy awnser the question of who i am.. but i try to start by geting a style..

in the past iv not cared of what to wear.. but now iv ordered cloths online.. will take a while thou :(

Bay laurel - Slow demise

You're down so let me in.
Crawl beside me as I descend.
Try not to cry.
I hate your tears, they make me feel so alive.
In different times, in different lives.
I could have made you happy. Now it's all too hard.
I've become so cold.
Something is dead. I'm not the one you loved.

Wicked cold slow demise.
A desperate try to find something to hold on to.
Something that lasts for me and you.
Strange desire. Slow demise.

When I'm gone I miss the warmth.
When I'm home it seems we're trapped in the cold.
Eyes, tired and dull.
I don't want to loose what makes it worth while.
Maybe we could try to move on.
Try to find something new without any goals.
Time to move on.
Try to move on.

Wicked cold slow demise.
A desperate try to find something to hold on to.
Something that lasts for me and you.
Strange desire. Slow demise.

hello

sorry all who actually read.. i havent been active for a while here. iv mostly been doing nothing and watching Dragon Balls..

but iv also been doing some work on my site and with that also pictures. both normal fotos and photoshoped.

the liks www.kuffen.weebly.com

im also kind of happy for this years christmas gift were going to buy tomorrow.

my parents are gifting a nikon D5000 with 18-55 VF and Tamron 70-300.

and some other stuffs to me and my sister.

so one thing i wanna do as soon as i get one (if i get a tripod) is foto the night sky.

hopefully the stars are upp there and shining :)

this year im not going to send my friends christmas cards (as i usually dont) but im going to give cards to all who whants them..

this is a card that iv made in photoshop and taken the picture my self.

so to all who feal like its for them.

here is my first christmas card (might come more ;))

merry Christmas = God jul

Whishes from = önskar

hello

iv not been posting any thing here for a whild mostly for me having to go thru a dificult task.

im not sertan of who i am any more.

for me to continue in life i need to awnser the the question of "who am i?"

it's not so easy as it sounds.

i also need to awnser the question of "who do i wanna be?"

to be able to tell who i am will make it easier to go on with life.

and to tell who i am will make me able to tell who others are, if they them self knows.

iv also looked upp a ring iv whanted for some years, now i know the price and im not so sertan any more.

it costs a stomak pumping 1500 swedish kr.

about 150euros.

hello

sorry, my pictures are being uploaded att www.kuffen.weebly.com

and sorry, this is now a blogg for me to wright what i feal and other stuff..

and to start with. her again.

i dont think she gets it.. shes all happy and un tuthed by breaking upp.

and thats not the way it is for me. its so hard im torn upp. but all i can see from her is her being all happy, thats good tho.

but to be ignored/pushed away like nothing has happend.

i just feal so frustated.

after over 2 months like this and i still love her as much as before.

i cant tell her and i cant talk about any thing of it to her.

i try to forget and move on. i nearly made it just to be pulled back.

iv found a girl iv taken to my liking, but it dosent feal fare to any one when im still inlove with her.

maby its exaktly what i need, to start something new. but it dosent feal fare to the "new" girl if some kemestry happens but i still cant realy let go. or any thing.

maby she dosent even going to have fealings for me. thats maby one bigger fear.

but also, i dont whant to hurt her or any one else.

and i cant find room to tell her, and what do i tell her.

that iv growned a liking of her the past weeks and that i whant to get to know her better. and also im sorry for not have moved on from my ex...

but any way.

shes beutifull, nice, smart and by all means wonderfull.

but the age differense, shes only 24 days yonger than me.

age isent a problem, it only makes things easier.

well maby it was age in the last one, me being about 9months and 28days younger.

well well. any thing cud happen.. but for now all i see is pain and missory.

me being deppressed.

sorry

sorry folks who is not reading. i say that beacurse i dont think manny people read here.

so iv decided to lighten my burden.

im sorry for not having uppdated the blog with more pictures.

and allso to tell you.

that iv the past 1,5 - 2 months tried to move on from the girl that left me. (not maried even tho it may sond that way, dident have any other way to express it).

but the more i trie i fall depper, i only end upp se her face more and be more sad cus she's my world.

i try convinse my self that it will get better. cus thats what all other people say, but it only gets worse. she's my universe, she's all for me.

but as love seams to fade away more and more from her, and she seems to become more and more anoyed with my reach out calls and texts about how i feal. i needed to wright something cus its the only way i get it out.

iv had 2 girls thru time, the first not a big deal for it was in the 4grade at 11years of age. it lasted between 1 week and 1 month. she sent her brother who also where in our class to break up.

this time it's verry diferent. i love her with all of my heart. and she realy loved me. for about 7,5month it lasted. (2009 15 feb - 2009 25 sep)

and she comes with the "news" on msn that she's been meaning to break up for a realy long time. but as we speak of it on several ocassions she seems to change, or its like i talk to many diferent persons. one whants to talk about it person to person, one dosent care, one has a heart of stone to beskribe her words.

to continue loving her will only hurt me, but trying to move on only makes me more depressed and love her more.

i loong for some contakt. a hug or a kiss. in school im half okay and half depressed.

i miss her and i know it will not be as before, cus when it comes to fealings she's pretty complex and lovable but the years are diferent on us. we both have had dificult times in the past, mostly at school. but she have closed the door and barrikaded it. the door to love and fealings. some people have it opend, but only partly. i opened it nearly all the way, then it slamed closed to only be open to the part of being friends. but i dont think i cud manage that. last time we meet (to talk and dident) i where happy as i allways are when im with her, but i also had to control my self not to do anything stupid. it feals so natural being with you, and when i am by your side im happy and the lukiest fella alive. but it's not only about me, more than anything i want to see you happy. i would pay anything for your happiness even if it costs me my own or even my life.

but you whould not know. thats why i wrote here and not at bdb.se

you now feal free and happy you say. it makes me happy. but i whanna be there and feal your happyness and love.

i havent felt this way for any one befor and iv told you that, cus its the truth.

Emmelie nina sofie Troedsson, borne january the sixth 1990. i love you more than anyting and everything. and i mean it. even if you hate romance and love. i whanna tell you over and over again how mutch i love you. but then i hurt you.

everything plays as many different movies in my head and i cant see a way back to you.

to abandon all hope for ever being able to hold you in my arms again.

the place you said you felt safe in, the place nothing cud hurt you.

and it might be tru cus as long as im alive i dont whant anyting bad for you and will do everything to stop it.

but your bigest problem is probobly me, and iv thogth about leaving this realm for the next, the apsolute darkness. where there isent any problems or any broken hearts and fealings.

but i probobly cant before we have talked but thats not going to happen cus we cant meet. there is no time in your book. you dosent even seem to want that any more any way.

you desided that you dont need me any more a long time ago.

and i just wanna pull my heart out to make it stop hurt. there is a big chunky hole missing.

i can see you before me looking back at me smiling, but thats the past.

im stuck in the present trying as hard as i can to look to the furutre but only see the 9 months to pass.

i miss you.

i cant seem to stop crying. im not supose to cry, im supose to have a heart of ice. but you melted it and now its scared. there is a big peace you took with you, with out even knowing.

there is a miljon ways iv thought of to kill my self. but as far its going out in words in stead.

i only want you back.

Saltnos come back!

maby you locked your fealings a way to not hurt your self.

i will never do that, your word is my law.

longtime

its been quite a while sense iv updated this so here comes another picture.

lets call it "I See You!!!"

LOL

this one i made fooling around in PS (cs3).

Dead

as im going on i desided to upload these to.

second

the second picture.

a skull, cud be done allot better but i dident care.

instead i did 7 diferent.

Start

this is the start, ill try to find some other nice way thats not to expencive but hey its a start.

the first pic. my verry own vampire ;)

ill introduce one thing, ill start working with avatars for others the only thing is that i whould like some sort of payment. only for its more pressure and i have a time limit.

ill put down more work on them than on my own.