sorry

sorry folks who is not reading. i say that beacurse i dont think manny people read here.

so iv decided to lighten my burden.

im sorry for not having uppdated the blog with more pictures.

and allso to tell you.

that iv the past 1,5 - 2 months tried to move on from the girl that left me. (not maried even tho it may sond that way, dident have any other way to express it).

but the more i trie i fall depper, i only end upp se her face more and be more sad cus she's my world.

i try convinse my self that it will get better. cus thats what all other people say, but it only gets worse. she's my universe, she's all for me.

but as love seams to fade away more and more from her, and she seems to become more and more anoyed with my reach out calls and texts about how i feal. i needed to wright something cus its the only way i get it out.

iv had 2 girls thru time, the first not a big deal for it was in the 4grade at 11years of age. it lasted between 1 week and 1 month. she sent her brother who also where in our class to break up.

this time it's verry diferent. i love her with all of my heart. and she realy loved me. for about 7,5month it lasted. (2009 15 feb - 2009 25 sep)

and she comes with the "news" on msn that she's been meaning to break up for a realy long time. but as we speak of it on several ocassions she seems to change, or its like i talk to many diferent persons. one whants to talk about it person to person, one dosent care, one has a heart of stone to beskribe her words.

to continue loving her will only hurt me, but trying to move on only makes me more depressed and love her more.

i loong for some contakt. a hug or a kiss. in school im half okay and half depressed.

i miss her and i know it will not be as before, cus when it comes to fealings she's pretty complex and lovable but the years are diferent on us. we both have had dificult times in the past, mostly at school. but she have closed the door and barrikaded it. the door to love and fealings. some people have it opend, but only partly. i opened it nearly all the way, then it slamed closed to only be open to the part of being friends. but i dont think i cud manage that. last time we meet (to talk and dident) i where happy as i allways are when im with her, but i also had to control my self not to do anything stupid. it feals so natural being with you, and when i am by your side im happy and the lukiest fella alive. but it's not only about me, more than anything i want to see you happy. i would pay anything for your happiness even if it costs me my own or even my life.

but you whould not know. thats why i wrote here and not at bdb.se

you now feal free and happy you say. it makes me happy. but i whanna be there and feal your happyness and love.

i havent felt this way for any one befor and iv told you that, cus its the truth.

Emmelie nina sofie Troedsson, borne january the sixth 1990. i love you more than anyting and everything. and i mean it. even if you hate romance and love. i whanna tell you over and over again how mutch i love you. but then i hurt you.

everything plays as many different movies in my head and i cant see a way back to you.

to abandon all hope for ever being able to hold you in my arms again.

the place you said you felt safe in, the place nothing cud hurt you.

and it might be tru cus as long as im alive i dont whant anyting bad for you and will do everything to stop it.

but your bigest problem is probobly me, and iv thogth about leaving this realm for the next, the apsolute darkness. where there isent any problems or any broken hearts and fealings.

but i probobly cant before we have talked but thats not going to happen cus we cant meet. there is no time in your book. you dosent even seem to want that any more any way.

you desided that you dont need me any more a long time ago.

and i just wanna pull my heart out to make it stop hurt. there is a big chunky hole missing.

i can see you before me looking back at me smiling, but thats the past.

im stuck in the present trying as hard as i can to look to the furutre but only see the 9 months to pass.

i miss you.

i cant seem to stop crying. im not supose to cry, im supose to have a heart of ice. but you melted it and now its scared. there is a big peace you took with you, with out even knowing.

there is a miljon ways iv thought of to kill my self. but as far its going out in words in stead.

i only want you back.

Saltnos come back!

maby you locked your fealings a way to not hurt your self.

i will never do that, your word is my law.